La Douleur Exquise Just One Night
by Pam-Panda
Summary: In an different series of shifts, a young woman by the name of Sable Satori has found herself in an arranged marriage with a man she hates so much yet can't help to love. And as the emotions build up inside her for this man, so do her desires. (Actual Series will be published eventually but for now, have a heated semi-romance of our heroine and her husband)


_I can't let him get me. This has been going on so long. I feel like I'm gonna bust._

It had been some time since Terumi became the head of our household, and his actions have only been increasing and becoming more aggressive. Damn, why did my father have me engaged to him? Why did I have to fall for him on my own? I could feel my face burning, my stomach clenching, and he has such a… vulgar yet charming way of doing things, especially when he wants something. He sends a burning rage into my core, yet at the same time I can't believe it is rage. I think I'm trying to cover up because I… I… I don't want to think about it, I just want to hide and keep him away from me. I won't be able to handle it if he so much as grazes me again.

It was always like this, the constant teasing, yet no actions have been made yet. I find myself dreaming hot, steamy dreams that leave my face red when I awake, and left in a state of confusion if I should hate or love my own fantasies. It was too much, and I couldn't take it. But being so close to him… frightened me. The idea of fully submitting made my body tremble. I didn't want to surrender to him, not matter how much I wanted to betray myself all the same.

So what better way to ignore it rather than distract myself? I would simply find myself going to other rooms of where the mess I made, of that little "accident", still stank of iron and drenched in dark shades of red. If I leave everything out of sight it will stay out of mind, right? So I would just take my bucket, my scrub brush, and will clean the rooms until my hands bleed. Just to keep my mind off of him, _anything_ else but my own thoughts. And continue on that way until the floors were completely spotless without a trace of the long dead blood gone from ever existing in the first place. At least I wanted to keep telling myself that, hoping that it would blow over and leave me with nothing else to deal with. But, damn it, nothing could be that simple.

Soon enough, once I finished, I found my mind shooting right back to the blood boiling thoughts from earlier. I cursed myself, my own senses, and how my body continually betrayed me. It felt as though my cheeks were flushing, my vision was going and I had no support for myself anywhere. It felt as though he was right behind me, as if his eyes were piercing me into my very being, slowly judging my own pathetic state that merely quivered from the smallest notions.

"I need air!" My voice whined, holding myself as my body forced itself to spin on my heels and dart towards the open door.

That was a mistake, such a big mistake, a big, big, BIG mistake! Because there he was, in the doorway, just a burning gaze that gave the sensation of holes being scorched into my skin. I could have broken down into tears right then, but I didn't, I couldn't bring myself to do it. However, I could gather my strength to jump back from him when one foot stepped into the doorway. It was so hard to tell if he was mad or purely serious in his expression. All I knew was his eyes burned. They hurt. For him to look at me made me hurt in so many different ways I was not able to understand. I just wanted him away from me, it was terrible to even be in the same room! I tried to run past him, to push him out the way and escape. However, that was just an idiotic move on my part. His grip felt like iron on my arm, and with enough force he could have pulled it right off when he yanked me back in front of him.

Those eyes, again, those fierce eyes. I couldn't look into them, too much fear was boiling inside of me. Leaning in closer to my being, I felt like I was being overwhelmed by series of emotions that were so incomprehensible to my mind but my alleged heart understood perfectly. It was so hard to tell if he was furious with me or if he was planning to do something- what was I thinking? He always has something planned out. Oh Gods, his face was so close, I could feel his breath against my cheeks—fuckin' hell, these damn thoughts!

"Just what in the hell are you doing, Satori?" He almost seemed to growl out my name, or more like spitting it out instead. Yeah, to spit it out seemed more accurate.

"I-I was just cleaning and I-I… I wanted to…" I found myself trailing off, unable to form a proper sentence with all the other things cycling through my mind.

"_Stop. It_. You have to own up to it, eventually." He shoved me away, whether intentionally or not I had no clue. But a translation for what he said was I needed to stop acting like a little bitch.

Gods, no matter how often I silently agreed, how often I tried to hold onto the idea that I couldn't care what he said. It would always sting deep, it would be little me ego even more. And I never knew what was going on in his head, and being too afraid to ask made it all the worse for me. Not that he would tell me anyway, one hell of a husband. Daddy sure had great things in mind for me… Muttering apologies under my breath, I could feel the ears on top of my head droop down when I faced away from him. I couldn't even express anything without him possibly taunting me or even threatening me.

This was just normal, for me to go through my motions like this. Take care of the girls, clean the house, cook, clean more, care more. But it was not like I had room, or gave myself room, to be selfish about it. My own selfishness is what got me here in the first place. Wanting my sisters back with me, not wanting to be head of the family, wanting the whole family… the whole family dead because I felt hurt. I really should have just put up with it, which is all I can do. Bottle it up, hold it in, and don't bother feeling any of it. That is all I am allowed to do. The last time I was even able to cry and be allowed to do so—shit, to even be comforted by anyone was after meeting my mother for a brief second. That was the only time he ever really held me and told me it was going to be okay, not just anyone but specifically _him_. Tch, Relius must have been lying when he says this man really does care, because he has one hell of a way of showing it.

Or maybe I am just thinking this way because I know I am going to die, that I am rotting away within a body not my own. But the heart beating was mine, I wanted to believe that much, and it ached for more than just an emotional release. It vibrated throughout my body and made me crave a physical relief. For all the tension in my body to leave and never come back... Like that could ever happen to me, not with him, or anyone else.

_Shit, make it stop. Please just make it stop… _

I thought this as I backed away from him, the tears were trying to burn their ways out of my eyes. There were screams echoing inside me, longing to escape but I kept them shoved deep down. They didn't exist, these emotions didn't exist. I just wanted it all to go away when I ran from him, anywhere that he wasn't going to be. Fuck, I might as well be dead if I wanted that to succeed, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything about this. SHIT! Why did I have to be such an idiot?! Why did I always have to provoke him with the dumbest of things? Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut for once?

_It aches, it aches so much. Oh Gods. Make it stop…! Just let me hide, let me hide from it all. I just want to rot and hide…! Please, just make this go away… _

I found myself back in my own bed, rocking back and forth to try to hold back my own tears. There was the tiniest whine escaping me before the floodgates in my eyes broke, and there was a warm liquid pouring down my cheeks and running onto my legs. I had to try not to scream, so I buried myself into a pillow as if to suffocate myself to allow the screams to run out. Sobbing and shrieking alone, it felt like a pair of eyes were burning into me. But for all the little things I know, I at least believed that I knew I was alone in here. I was a damn mess and I knew it without even having to see it. I didn't stop, either, I couldn't because I wanted this gone.

However, even when the tears ran out and my screaming stopped, I could still feel that bundle of tension in my guts. Like another bubble in me getting ready to pop. So, it made me have to wonder, would he treat me any differently if I were in my own body? Only he knew that, but it was not like I would ever know what was ever going through his head.

_Just let me rest… Give me a break, please…._

It just continued along like this all the time, I always tried to avoid him as often as I could. Especially after he grabbed me and got so close to my face the way he did the other day. I was fantasizing about it whenever my mind would begin to wonder. Sometimes it would be the tiniest and softest kisses, other times it was a fierce and fiery kiss with his hands tangled in my hair along with his body pressed to mine. Oh, what could be in such a kiss. I could pop just from that and feel like the happiest girl in the world. Unfortunately for me, my body acts on its own when I day dream, and today I ended up finding myself in his room.

"Agh…! Shit…!" Cursing under my breath, I could feel my cheeks burning when I slowly began to back away.

I didn't mean to come in here, it was a huge mistake. But it smelled like him in here, like his being was enveloping me. I didn't want to leave, either… I didn't even try to be in control, I was getting ready to inch over towards his bed. However, my body froze once again, and I could feel the burning again.

"Satori. What the hell are you doing in my room?" He didn't really spit at me this time around, he wasn't even all that frightening, he just seemed that way because of my anxiety.

"I- Uh! I came in here to-to-to clean!" I stuttered out, tripping over my words when whipping around to face him. Damn, I was a terrible liar.

"It is MY room. I don't need YOU cleaning it for me." He quickly brushed off my comment and took a few steps closer to me being, staring not so much intensely but with more of a gaze that made it feel like he could see right through me, "Now why are you REALLY in here? Hm?"

"I-I… I…!" My words were lost to me, my mind was buzzing in so many different directions that I couldn't even form a proper response in my mind, "I-I just… Wanted to…."

"Don't play games with me, Satori. I have better things to do with my time." His words cut deep as they always did when he brushed me off.

Gods, I knew this was how it would play out! It hurt, it hurt so much to feel like he could care less. I know he did care, though, I know that better than anything else but I hate feeling like I was just a damn thing. Holding back tears, my body was quaking with my teeth digging into my bottom lip.

"Are you crying?" He shot at me with a very annoyed tone, making me flinch and quickly shake my head in a response, "Then what the hell do you want? I really don't have time to playing-!"

"I'm not playing games!" I shot back at him, knowing that in my own right mind I would have still done so but with more anger than desperation, "I'm not playing games! I'm not! I-I just wanted… I just wanted to spend time with you is all!"

"Tch, spend time doing what exactly?" He seemed to sneer at my answer, tilting his head to the side as if to understand what the hell I was talking about… That would make two of us.

"You know, doing the kind of things that…" I slowly trailed off, feeling my face twist into a frown when I averted my eyes to the ground instead, "That normal couples do."

"Well, ya' know we aren't exactly a 'normal couple', Satori." I could hear the smirk on his face as he responded to my miniature confession, "But tell me, what exactly makes you say that now? You have been avoiding me so much, you'd think that you absolutely HATED me!"

Shit! Fucking hell! He was mocking me. The tears were burning as a few slipped down my cheeks, falling to the ground when I stared back up at him with a loud stamp of my foot to the ground.

"I don't hate you! I just… You… I have been having weird dreams lately. And they just make it.. very hard to be around you now. And you scare me so much that I…" I found myself admitting to my own emotions, ones I've been trying to deny more than anything else.

"Dreams? And what exactly are these dreams of yours about?" Terumi inquired when drawing closer to me yet again, placing a finger on my burning cheek to wipe a tear away, though he seemed slightly annoyed at the fact I was crying in the first place.

"I… I will be with you and…" I started off slowly, still startled at his touch that wasn't injuring me for once, "You're holding me, placing small kisses on my cheeks, my neck, my lips. You're telling me how I'm beautiful and that I never have to hide anything from you. You told me you loved me, you LOVED me. J-just stuff like that."

"Huh, that's interesting. But here is something interesting that you may enjoy." His finger quickly tapped my cheek with enough force to stink for a quick moment, "That wasn't actually a dream."

Oh fuck, he was pulling one of his moments of telling me something I didn't know. Something that comes off as so insignificant to him that it is required for us to be just on the right subject for him to tell me.

"You see, one of it would was one of those moments you won't find in daddy's little journal. It was just you and me, obviously. Your 'pretty-little-eyes' were open and wide. YOU wanted me that close to you, just like in those little dreams of yours." He carried on, slightly mocking me as he usually did when giving little explanations to me, "Too bad we never really made it so far, you were right back asleep when things were getting good."

Snickering under my breath, I found myself smiling and biting my lip as my gaze shifted back to his face, "And how did that make you feel?"

"Hot, bothered, and really fucking annoyed. You knew how to work my damn nerves even when you weren't conscious." He joked, smirking cockily with his eyes shut and a short roll of his shoulders.

"Well… I mean… I could make up for that now-…" I started off but my sentence stopping dead in its tracks from the gaze he shot at me.

"What are you getting at, Satori?" His face seemed to twist into a slight sneer, though

Wow, he was either playing dumb, was oblivious, or…. Was just completely oblivious to what I was suggesting. I wanted to laugh, but at the same time that would not only have been bad for me to do, but practically impossible considering that I was for too embarrassed for my own good to even react properly.

"Well I mean… You know… We could… Uh…" Damn loss of words, going to be the literal death of me, "I just… Maybe we could…"

"You're wasting my time,_ Sable_. Get on with whatever the hell you are trying to say or get out my damn space." He cut me off once more, enough to make me snap somewhere on the inside.

"If I'm such a waste of your damn time, I'll leave! I just wanted to be close for once, you're around my damn sisters more even when I'm not avoiding you, I just—Fuckin' hell!" I almost screamed at him, not even flinching anymore when his glare was right at my eye level, "I hate that I get treating like a THING! Like I don't have a heart, I don't feel-!"

"YOU? Feel?! Hahaha! Don't make me laugh, bitch! All those little feelings of yours are artificially placed in your head by daddy and his friend!" He jabbed his finger on my forehead, pushing me back so I would simply plant my bottom on the edge of his bed, "At least that is what your soon-to-be-MASTER says! And what was that about your sisters? Awwwww? Is someone jealous of the dumb bitches she wanted back so badly? What the hell is there to be jealous about those bundle of idiots for? Shit, one of them is also your whore mother!"

"Don't talk about my mother that way! Just stop it! It's not fair, Terumi! You're fucking with my head so damn much!" I found my voice being screamed at him when the floodgates finally burst, "I, for once, want to know what is going on in your head since you always know what the hell is going on in mine!"

"Quit your crying! What goes on in MY head is none of YOUR business. Remember your place, Satori. And that is on the bottom." He growled at me with his hand at my throat, looking at me with that little intent to kill, seemingly.

"But that isn't fair, Terumi! What happened to that man who was always beside me and was kind to me, even when I could do nothing in return for him?! I may not remember it but it was in those journals, and you always told me-!" My hands were grasped around his wrists, and even with the tears pouring down my cheeks I was still trying to stay strong.

"He doesn't exist anymore! I not only lost my body but most of my own kindnesses when I gave this shell you have now LIFE! So what do I care is something is fair or not?! Don't question me like you have any right or authority over me!" He was shouting now, I couldn't tell if he was mad or hurt. Though I wanted to know, I knew I wouldn't with the way his hand tightened around my throat.

Soon we both just fell silent, his glare softened to that of a stare and his hand slowly trailed down my neck, stopping it over where my heart may have lay in my chest. I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I could, to have him this close to me. Even if there were no words, I didn't mind. All of the words we usually shared just hurt more than they should have. My hands were lifting themselves, no longer holding his wrists but now sitting at my sides on the… what I never acknowledged until now to be a soft bed. Eventually, all too soon for me, we were disconnected with his eyes now only fixated on me.

"Satori… Tell me… What do you want?" He asked me in a not so much low, but a very hushed voice.

"I just… Want you to… I want you to touch me. I want you to love me, gently. That is all." I whispered probably barely loud enough for him to hear when wiping away my own tears.

He made a noise that almost sounded like he had no clue what I meant. So slowly, ever so slowly, I found myself grasping his hands gently in mine so to pull them towards my form. Pressing his hands to my sides, I was almost showing him how to do it by moving his hands up and down my skin. Though this effort became harder to do as the tingling sensations started spreading through my body, leaving chills up and down my spine that allowed for unwanted sighs to leave my lips.

When I released his hands, he kept moving on his own. It was a little surprising, even a little cute, to see him with no possible clue of what he was doing. I nudged his cheek with my nose when I felt the smile creeping up on my face. He responded not only with a small shove forward to push me onto my back, but slipping his hands underneath the small top I was dared to call a shirt. His palms were so warm as the grazed against my hardened nipples, exciting every nerve in my body right down to my aching core. Tiny little noises caught themselves in my throat when he opened my top with the lightest flick to unclasp the button, grabbing my breasts I his hands and pinching the sensitive nubs between his fingers. My legs were shuffling around under him, one grazing up his side, and my hands clenching the sheets under me.

It was a little humiliating, we had only just begun and I was already turning into a melting mess under him. But the fondling, the perfect way he managed to find all the right spots on my chest to already send me wild made that bubble inside of my tighten even more than before. His body was now laying on top of mine, keeping my legs separated wide and his lips trailing up and down my neck. They were such soft, tender kisses that made a trail up and down the same spots of my next. I couldn't hold back the moans anymore, the shaky gasps made their way in and came back out as the pleasured little noises I tried so hard to hold back. He let out a chuckle in my ear that sounded almost nervous as he continually played with me, but I soon felt why it was that way when there was a poke between my legs. A small squeak came out that was a strange mixture of pleasure and fright.

"Shh. It's alright, it's just me." He whispered calmly in my ear, leaning back down to continually place kisses on my cheeks and teasingly in the corner of my mouth.

It felt so strange, so annoying because of the fact there was a layer of clothing between us. We didn't seem to care about that, however, I am unsure about him but I instinctively began grinding my hips up against his. With my hands now on his chest, I felt his breathing stop and his chest tighten when my hips began to grind just a little harder. He uttered something incomprehensible to himself when sitting back up, giving me room to move further back on the bed, much closer to the pillows and headboard. Even holding out my arms to beckon him to come closer once again. However, I had other things in mind as his did, making him sit down on his knees and my hands placed on his upper thighs.

"What are you doing…?" His lips brushed against my ear when he voiced his curiosity.

"Shhh~. It's alright. Just stay quiet." I answered with my lips pressed to his ear, drawing back to the front where I grazed them against his lips.

No, not yes. No kisses just yet, I wanted to wait just a little longer. My fingers found their way to his belts, button, and zipper, quickly opening up his bottoms to try to remove them as hastily as they were opened. Yet it was only fair he were to do the same thing to me, except now it was all off our clothing removed and tossed t any direction of the room. Silence fell once again, we were back in the same positions as before, but now with an entirely different atmosphere surrounding us. His skin was soft and smooth underneath my hands, and his touches seemed all the better with his hand positioned between my legs and resting on my inner thigh. I suddenly felt bold and nervous all at the same time.

"Are you sure it'll fit…?" He asked out of the blue as I sat up on my knees, stroking my inner thigh with his thumb and teasing the outer lips of my warmth.

I didn't even give him an answer, I just lowered my upper body in a hasty fashion with my right hand trailing upward. Holding his length in my hand, I tried so hard not to stare at it before placing the tip between my lips. His body was tightening all over again, he even gave me a small grunt when putting more of him inside my mouth and began to stroke the base. I could feel his hips thrusting slightly as I bobbed my head up and down, just doing what felt right for this type of situation. Strangely enough it tasted good in its own unique way. Maybe I just thought this because it was him, or maybe that is how I genuinely felt. Possibly even both, but it didn't matter either way as I only went faster and took more of him inside until I felt it was enough.

I wanted to tease him just a little bit more, so I ran my tongue slowly up the now throbbing shaft as my head pulled away. Licking right back down, up the sides, and even suckling on different locations. It was driving me wild the smallest of reactions I would get from him. It sense burning sensations to my center, and make it feel so wet in between my legs. I was ending this small moment why swirling my tongue only around the head, giving light kisses here and there but never taking it back in.

"Damn, don't tease me like that." He finally spoke again, lifting my head up by my chin to come back to his eye level.

"I can't help it~." I giggled when holding his cheeks in my palms, staring into his eyes that seemed more like melting pools of gold than their typical fear striking gaze.

Silence fell between us again, however I very much liked it this way. Not because we weren't yelling and threatening each other, but because there was only peace and happiness between us at this very moment. His face was getting so much closer to mine when his hands held my waist, slowly laying me onto my back and laying my head against one of his pillows. Using his right hands to push my right leg to the side and holding it open, I followed by spreading both my legs as far out as I could, even though my gaze itself stayed on his face. He was positioned in front of me, from what I could barely feel, and his hands were on either side of my head.

"Are you ready?" He asked me when leaning down until our faces were close enough for the tips of our noses to touch.

I gave my answer by wrapping my arms around him and giving the tiniest nods that I hoped he would be able to see. He did, and within the next moment the bubble inside me completely popped. His lips had crashed into mine and he took my body with his own. A loud moan escaped from me and traveled into him through our kiss. He stayed still for a short moment, giving me just that one moment to adjust to him before he started paced thrusts. I felt wet and tight, like the inside of me was hugging him and not wanting to let go. It was so unusual, so embarrassing, yet so liberating to feel. And even though it was strange for him to even be this… calm and kind to me, I definitely couldn't complain about it now.

Running my nails up and down his back, I thrust my hips upwards against his as if to ask him to go faster. Grabbing the fabric next to my head, he seemed to actually get the message of this time when his speed began to pick up and his thrusts becoming harder. Digging my fingers into his back, his lips dominated mine enough for me to gasp. It was a full on ambush with his tongue slipping into my mouth and attacking mine. Moaning loudly from not only the pleasure my body was feeling but from the shock of what else he was doing, I graciously fought back and moved my whole being with his until we were in what could be considered a perfect sync.

There were no more requests, no more questions, and no more for anything except for the two of us in our own little space. He become rougher, more aggressive as our session went on. All the way from smacking my bottom to digging his nails deep into my skin all up and down my abdomen. I wasn't screaming, but I was very loud as the melting pot deep inside me felt like it was ready to overflow. It wasn't even just the physical pleasure for me that made this so great. There was oddly enough his reactions, grunts, and swearing that gave the strangest sensation of some strange accomplishment. But this isn't what would drive me over the edge. I truly was trying to form what had been etched into my heart for some time, but was never admitted outside of yells from anger or cries of loneliness.

"T-Terumi…!" I started out, trying to keep my words together with how irregular my breathing would become, "T-Terumi! Yuuki! Oh Yuuki, I love you! I love you so much!"

That was it, I said it, I admitted it with the passion I had been holding back for what seemed like an eternity, but what he responded with almost moved me to tears I was becoming so happy.

"Heh. I love you too, Sable…!" He spoke between his grunts and his swearing, finally leaving my body alone from the assault of his hands and holding me tightly against his form.

That is was it, it was driving me over the edge now. I moaned and cried how much I loved him, how I only could and only do feel this way for him. It was so cheesy, it was so cliche but for me it was also the pure truth. I felt my body convulse with the very last thrust he sent into me. I was melting, there was a crazy sensation of not only the hot sticky feeling now swimming in me, but that we reached this point together. Ending it with small, soft, cutesy little kisses – at least from me anyway – he pulled out of me and gave me a small smirk.

"Well, my little Sable. Are you satisfied now?" He was still teasing me, but I was in too much of a state of bliss to care.

"Mhm… but… If I could ask just one more thing… let me stay in here with you for the night?" I asked when reaching out for him to hold me.

Sighing out in not so much annoyance, but just probably laughing on the inside at me in general. He maneuvered his covers downwards when pulling me close to him, tucking us both in a warm little space of our own. I loved this feeling of peace lingering inside me, to be so close to him I could hear the heart beating in his chest. This was all too good to be real.

_And it was… _

Awaking from my dream, I found myself sweaty and panting heavily, possibly even flushed in my face. Wash that all really just a dream? Gods… It felt so real, I'm not ever really so stressed anymore. Huh.. That is just so weird. But it doesn't matter now, right? Since there is no problem, and now peace within me. I couldn't help but smile as I thought back on it, holding my pillow close to me with little school girl giggles coming out, I knew that I would have my chance one day. But for now…

_Just another result of the continuum shift._


End file.
